THE MOMENTS OF SELF-DOUBT
We all go through our moments of self-doubt that question the core of our beliefs, the things we completely love doing, even those things that others appreciate us for. Perhaps, all artists go through these moments or perhaps some are always sure and confident, I don’t know. I know that I have many of these moments of self-doubt – every now and then.
Throughout my journey as a woman, a photographer, and filmmaker, I have kept questioning myself why I am doing what I am doing. Is it simply for the money, for fame or just for fun? One side of me wants to spend most of my time with my family. As a toddler, my son would always cry whenever I had to travel for work. On one of the most difficult days of my life, when I was about to give up my career, my son said, “Mumma, what books are to me, so is photography to you. You should never give up what you love doing the most”. Today, he takes great pride in my work because he has seen me grow as an artist and truly values my work as he is able to see the passion behind it. We learn the most remarkable things from children. My son taught me that life is about doing things we are truly passionate about.
I, being the unconventional mom, have also let him live his passion which sometimes scares people around me. Remarks such as “He is too young to know what’s good for him. He should focus on his studies and get good grades” etc. are common. All I want for him is to be happy, enjoy his life to the fullest and explore his own course. So what if he stumbles or falls down? As long as he gets up again with a smile on his lips and hope in his eyes.
We all go through these moments of self-doubts and I guess I am no exception. What I learned from these moments is when we feel stuck in these moments of self-doubt instead of getting overwhelmed and feeling negative about what we are doing or what we believe in, we should simply pause and look at the bigger picture. These moments come simply to remind us to look at the bigger picture which would lead us to our Purpose in Life.
Today again, on a Sunday evening, as I sat in my living room sipping my favorite cup of green tea, excitedly planning the next interviews and edits for my Failing It Up campaign, I was hit again by self-doubt. I wondered why I was doing all this, what’s the need. Why should I spend my time and resources to get these interviews, edits, promotions conducted? Thankfully, this moment didn’t last long. As I looked at the bigger picture, I realized that rather than spending on jewelry or traveling the world, I would rather leave this world with a beautiful message – a message of hope to pursue one’s passion. I will truly feel blessed if Failing It Up campaign could inspire even one solitary person to not give up their passion or worse end their life in face of failure.